today. tmr., and years before. 12/16/14

today has sucked! every where i go. i see people getting bullied if not others then its me. and i cant do anything to stop it. at home i feel hated and unsafe. i was in a horrible home since i was young. my dad use to abuse us.. mentally and physically. No one could ever know. i wasnt aloud to tell anyone. ever. we where told no one needs to know. all the way till i was 12 years old. then my parents finally divorced. i didnt talk to my dad till i was 14. when i was told by another girl my age he was hanging out with her. when he never ever had the time of day to care for me.. and i flipped. i met him in the yard the next day. i will never forget the look on his face. he thought i didnt know. then my parents some how got back together. my dad got help. he changed. nothing seemed the same. my older brother got mixed into the wrong crowd. and he started to hate on me.. by then. i had started cutting. i was cutting since i was 12. i did almost everyday. the scars i have. i am not proud of. but i sure as hell am not disproving of them either. except for one. the one where i was ready to die. and i was sure i would. but i didnt. i lived. and i keep getting hated. and hated. these little things at home started to feel like nothing compared to what i was hearing from the kids at school. "slut, attention whore, cut more!" and much worse. which leads to the first fight i got into. the first time i finally stood up for myself. i was 14. i threatened another kid.. with a knife. an exacto. not my proudest moment. but he hasnt bugged me since. but i have had to go for help. and i constantly am being recommended for it. i dont care for it tho. i need ways to escape. now. at age 16 i am ready to talk. and tell people the truth. and not lie anymore. i am who i am. and i love what i love. by the time im 18 im going to be far from the life i seem to have right now. LIVE YOUR LIFE IT WILL BE RIGHT IN THE END! right?